Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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