You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
