Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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