I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Sober January is a disaster.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
