Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
