were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize