"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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