I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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