I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Found your dick twin last night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
