sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
