you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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