Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
