Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
