If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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