I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
