I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
