He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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