If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A bitchslap is in order.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize