Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
