When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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