My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize