i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
