I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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