just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
