I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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