Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize