I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
