he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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