In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
