Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
