we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
