the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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