I'd wear matching sweaters with you
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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