I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
