no. you can't hotbox the world.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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