so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
40s are totally the cure
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
