we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize