Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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