I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
