I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
