he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize