Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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