So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize