Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
