he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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