I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
