just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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