The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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