At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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