I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
