It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
