either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
