Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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