3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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