Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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