so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
