oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
