Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You ruined the universe
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize