how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
