yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
