I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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