did you get engaged???
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
