wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
