I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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