I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she pinky promised me she was 18
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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