i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
