eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
farters have to be the big spoon...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
