Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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