I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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