Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
